Dr. Ron Rice
Licensed Psychologist
Over 25 years of experience

Real Problems Real Solutions
 

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Marital Problems

Causes:

It is my professional experience that each and every couple is unique. And yet there are some common denominators for those who are having marital difficulties. Please answer honestly the following questions. Do you feel unloved and unappreciated? Do you feel that you are not a priority in the marriage? Do you feel that your partner tries to control you? Do you feel taken for granted? Do you feel that your partner never really "listens" to you"? Do you and your spouse get bogged down on "who is right and who is wrong"? Do you spend less and less time together? Do you find that you argue a great deal with each of you only feeling angry and resentful? If you answered "yes" to some or most of these items, you are not alone. Most importantly, help is available!

The symptoms defining a marriage with problems are infinite. However the questions above can be summarized into some very basic concepts:

1. Immaturity
2. Unrealistic expectations
3. Communication problems
4. Not fighting fairly
5. Destructive means of solving problems

As a psychologist, I find it amazing that the real problem is that most couples do not have any idea about how to have a really mature marriage, based on respect, intimacy, caring and love. They lack the skills, resources, and information on how to interact in ways that are constructive to a marriage. It is somewhat of a paradox that in spite of the fact the verbally fighting in marriage is obviously a problem, it is often what is NOT said that is even a more significant problem, i.e. NOT talking about feelings, resentments, etc. With almost all couples with the above problems, marital therapy can be a powerful source of growth toward a meaningful relationship based on new learning.

Solutions:

Just in the case of causes of marital difficulties, there are many solution strategies that need to be used based on the unique situation of the couple. However, here again, we know some basic ideas that are absolutely necessary for marital therapy to result in a positive outcome.

1. Couples must accept the reality that they will have to look at their issues together, no matter how painful it may be to do so. Nothing can be "left off the table".
    
2. During the stress of a difficult marriage, one person may say something like, "Maybe we should get divorced"? These comments are counter-productive but understandable. In most cases, individuals don't really want a divorce but are expressing a great sense of frustration, anger, and helplessness.
    
3. Couples should never separate if they want to explore ways to make the marriage better. People often state that they need "their own space" for awhile. Separation almost always is the first step toward a divorce.
    
4. Couples must acknowledge that solving marital problems is hard work. They must understand that their problems did not develop overnight and that it will take time for progress to occur. Do not expect immediate results. It will take a minimum of a few weeks.
    
5. Good results in marital therapy is dependent on being able to get a good assessment of each participant as well as the dynamics of the relationship.

To accomplish this task, I will meet with each individual one time followed by a meeting with both parties. After these three interviews we will have a good idea of the problems as well as clearly defined goals and strategies for progress to occur toward a more satisfying and rewarding marriage. To make this process of evaluation even meaningful, each person is asked to complete the "Marital Satisfaction Survey" which provides very reliable information about the ways each person perceives the marriage. This 150 question True-False items helps to identify significant problems in the marriage. This is necessary if strategies for solutions are to be found.

Real Problems Real Solutions

Call or email Dr. Ron Rice to make an appointment, to ask
questions or for a Free and Confidential phone consultation.

Ron Rice, PHD • Licensed Psychologist • (248) 626-2056
32910 W. 13 Mile Rd. • Suite D-402 • Farmington Hills, MI 48334-1980