Dr. Ron Rice
Licensed Psychologist
Over 25 years of experience
Real Problems 
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Dr. Ron Rice Real Problems |
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Killing Stress
Lists of stressful events have occurred in newspapers and magazines. In order, from highest stress to lowest stress, some of these events are like the death of someone close; divorce; illness of a relative or yourself; marital problems; relationship problems; loss of a job; change of a job; moving to a new location; meeting new people, or holidays. Everyone faces stress in his or her life. Some people experience stress very frequently in their lives, even on a daily basis. This type of stress can be caused not by external events, but by the way we deal with ourselves. For example — we may push ourselves too hard; try to accomplish too much; take on more work than we can realistically complete. In short, demand perfection from ourselves. We can notice stress from this kind of pressure by feeling a tightness around our neck and shoulders or in our chest. Some of us may experience the stress in the form of a knot in our stomach or chronic back pain, frequent headaches, or a constant fatigue or tired feeling. I often notice stress when I find myself walking faster than usual; gulping down my lunch or feeling pressured to finish a work task or get to another meeting. The results of prolonged stress can be irritability, fatigue on a daily basis, and health deterioration leading to a possible heart attack. Handling stress or coping with stress requires an active process in which we need to change ourselves in order to handle things differently. Learn skills to meet new demands and new situations. Preparing yourself for a stressful situation you know is coming up is one of the best ways to cope with stress. Sometimes that is impossible though. Stressful events sometimes have a way of surprising us. I am going to be talking about general ways to cope with stress, which may be applied before, during, or after the stressful situation. There are a series of steps you can take to better help yourself in coping with stress. The first step is to evaluate the stress. Ask yourself, "What does this stressful situation mean to me?" To get a realistic grasp on the importance of the situation in relation to the rest of your life. For example: If it is a report you should get out, and the deadline is approaching, how important is it to meet that deadline? What will happen if you miss that deadline? Are the consequences really devastating or are you exaggerating them? If meeting the deadline is important, can you get some help or assistance in meeting them? Can you ask for help to meet this specific deadline or ask that the deadline be changed? Many of us create stress for ourselves by not believing that there are alternatives to what we have always done. We respond to every phone call or request that someone else makes of us. The question is, "Can we slow down without the world falling apart?" "Can we say 'no' sometimes?" "Can we set limits on how our time is used without believing we will be criticized or attacked without fulfilling our responsibilities?" Try to set realistic goals in your work or at home and be willing to let others know where your limits are, what you can do, and where you need to draw the line. Whenever possible, take control over your environment, which may mean saying "no" to some requests — leaving some work until the next day, and even not doing some things determined less important or delegate more. A second step is to learn to relax. There are several ways to relax. One way to relax for you may be getting away from the situation, which creates stress — even for a few minutes. Taking a brief walk may reduce the stress music. Get away to a spot where you will be by yourself for even a few minutes and let your mind drift from the pressures of the day. Experiment with your own methods of relaxing. Start using them to reduce the pressure resulting in stress. A third step is to change your habits or reactions to the events. Once you learn to relax, try to be aware of the situations that begin to build pressure or stress in you. It may be a series of phone calls or people asking something of you, or your feeling of, "I must produce, I must get busy." It may be a spouse or children demanding. As you become aware of the situations you react to with stress, decide how you would want to react differently. How do you really want to react or respond to these situations? Let yourself experiment with different ways of reacting until you find those which you are comfortable with and that help reduce the stress. You will need to produce these new reactions a few times to feel comfortable with them. New behaviors never come easily the first time and we don't feel totally comfortable with them until we practice them a few times, but practice and stay with the new behaviors you want until they do come naturally and the results mean less stress for you. These are three important steps in learning to better handle stress. |
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Real Problems Call or email Dr. Ron Rice to make an appointment, to ask Ron Rice, PHD • Licensed Psychologist • (248) 626-2056 |
I'm going to be talking about coping or handling stress in our lives. First, let me define what I mean by "coping" and what I mean by "stress." Coping for me, is any attempt to master or handle a new situation that can be potentially threatening, frustrating, painful or challenging. Another good phrase for coping could be "problem solving?" By stress, I'm referring not just to short-term events in our lives or immediate situational events, but also to a complex set of conditions which can change over time.